Everyone was shock when they see my new hair style,jaw dropped and the first time is “WHY?”

Me myself cant understand as well.Well but the thing is,I have already cut it short,why dont I just enjoy having the short hair,and Style it?

This feeling is good, I thought I will still be the dumb Carmen, but everything turned out to be good =).I felt as if god is helping me as well. I wanted thanks him for giving me a new chance. Everything is turning to be better; negative is changing to be positive. Isn’t that a good thing?

Telling the truth, I do miss them. I do not hope to get everyone of them back, but I do hope to have some of them back. But this time, I am going to be smarter. Secret shouldn’t be reveled!

Skype with my besties,I really miss them =’( How I hope I can meet them all. How I hope I can play around, joke around and hang out with them. Those memories, I have never really kept them in mind until everything is gone. I learnt.I learnt to be really appreciate stuff that is still around me.

New semester is exhausted, but I know I can harvest the seeds if I never spread them. I believe this principle. How much of seeds that will be collect depends on how hard we go around the field to spread them. God is sending two real good and strict lecturer to me this semester, he wants me to know that I shouldn’t’ have any excuses anymore to say why I can’t reach my target.

Bye,everyday class starts at 8,cant actually stay up late anymore.

today’s picture

Dear blog,

all of this while,I have so much to tell you!I can tell you the stories all night long and it be wont finish.There’s happiness and as well as sadness.

To be short,I’m only blogging incident  that I take it IMPORTANT.

Grandpa passed away on April.It was so sudden.This was my first ever closest family members that passed away.I have never experience such things before.Thinking back it was already a month.I wonder where will grandpa be now….Heaven?Where do people go when they die?Theres many many memories that he left for us.It was heartbreak to know that he is leaving us so fast.He did not even wait to see me married.Rest in peace,gong….I’m sorry that I couldn’t  come back the first moment.I wish to see you the last time,but….I’m sorry.

My first ever LOVE, frankly speaking, I have never fall this deep with a guy before. He is the one.Unfortunately,we are not meant to be together.I cannot accept the truth that he is leaving me.Now I know why parent always ask us not to get into a relationship so young.That’s because the feeling is the greatest pain ever on earth.I still remember clearly of all the memories  we had.Those places we went to.I will keep it in my heart forever.The way you walk,the way you stand,the way you talk,and the way you treat me,I will never forget.I have once thought of not giving you up,keep continue liking you and waiting for you.I wrote all the things that I wanted to say to you on sticky notes,rolled them all up,put them into a small bottle.I have hold your hand tightly and ask you not to let go of me.I even drive and walk pass your block,just to purposely see you.It was real heartbreaking when I see you,and the only thing I can do is just say hi and walk away.You never know when everytime you turn around and walk away,I will be stopping there,turn back and looking at your back,going further away from me.

I regret doing all this stupid things to you because you don’t even care about this.You have your own one,you love her more than anything and I know it makes you exhausted.I am actually just a passer by,that can satisfies your wantwhen you realized that I’m not the one you want,I’m being dumped.I admit I was once gone blank,lonely,sad and empty without you,but I am awake now.I not that stupid enough to fall into this trap,I have my own dream,I am not wasting my time on playing and getting involve  into all this so call love games.

Thanks for giving me this experience,ybh.I really grow up a lot through this.I might not be changing on temper,but at least I changed and I grew a lot.The only thing I wanted to tell you is that.我曾经深深的爱你，但是那都是过去，因为有说不出口的我爱你。There’s no puppy love  in my stories.Still,I believe my prince charming will be riding his white horse,holding his sword searching for me in my future.I am here waiting patiently for Him to write the rest of our stories together =)

Friends.I miss Them so much!Outside world is like a trap.Now I learnt my lesson.Never show your secret to people.NEVER.Why  I’m the only one who got boycott?Why not him or her? That’s because I stupid enough to admit all my faults infront of them.And when the more I tell them,the more “edited” sorry I got from people.funny enough right? “I love you,you love me,we are happy family…”this song Doesn’t Exist! Don’t be so innocent Carmen,you might be truthful to people,but sometimes,people don’t think that way.So,take care of your own secret. Please never let this happen again.Change!

I was laughing while viewing all this conversation.All of a sudden I have this thought.I want tomorrow to be the first day of SPM…=/That’s because I feel as if I havent fully prepared,I can do better especially in my favourite subjects(Addmath & Physic).=(…I have to admit Addmath and Physic wont score more than the others subjects,BUT I still love them,I mean deeply.I realized that I got lots of mistake after taking the both papers,I felt really down after the two papers and got no motivation and confidence for the other three subject..Oh no!I should not have this kind of feeling..!Awoh…..

Jiaern went to France just yesterday,AND I’ve already missing her like I’ve never meet her for 20 years..=’(..Without her,I’ve got to do house chores all by myself,without her,i have to sleep alone at night….at least by hugging my boggy would make me feel more comfortable.I promised not to cry when she’s going.I really didnt!BUT I did cry after she went,alone in the room….=’(…She must be really enjoying the weather there(Snowing!)Arhhh……I miss that too…

Today I broke a record,I was laughing with cries and tears for 40 minutes!That was really long,and now I got to know why while people laughing they always tend to say stomach ache…I experienced it today!HAHA

ANyways,Good Luck in France,and same to me for the last three papers!

2010,a change of life of mine.I’m going to move from an easier stage or life to another difficult one.SPM is coming in just 9 days,it was the day,where I have work really hard,try my best and throw it out hard.For that instance,I feel the way of living,sometimes we just need to work hard/work smartly to get what we want.There’s nothing free in this world.I do not want to take SPM as a test,I take it as a challenge.I would feel better and confidence thinking this way.

Today was my last day in school.I’m surprise that I felt nothing at all.Not even happy/sad.I was just searching for ways to escape back home so that I have time to study.But in vain.In the same time it was Puan Tan’s retirement day.Frankly speaking,I’ve been studying in TA for 5 years,but I never talk to her for more than 5 sentences.This is really sad.It wasnt a good day for her to leave,but people just ignore the weather.We sent her away under the rain.The teachers made a slide show for her.It’s all about her life.She is a successful woman,that’s what I can say.She was growing up in under the abundance of love and cares from her mum,who was also a teacher.Her mum forced her to go classes with her,so she will gained something.It worked out well,she graduated in University of Malaya and got a “sijil Ijazah” for teacher’s education course.She have a peaceful family.They were all well educated and hold a high post in the University.One of her daughter was even the actreess in Crossrings.(ntv 7).

sadly to say,I miss her.This is so fake! No.. I do feel regret for not really get to know her more,maybe this was the reason..

I also found out that most of our “Ber-bakat”teacher e.g Pn Smeah,Pn Sim(oh no,the only-know-how-to-teach Physic teacher is going away),Pn Rohaini….are also moving to another school.I heard one of the students say that was because,the school system in TA aint good,their time scedule for next year was  till 5 pm.WOrst than us..I feel sympathy for the rest of the TA students.

I think I will not be posting any blog till SPM ends.

To XXX:

to what you have said that day,I take it as a challenge.You said I cant?I’m going to show you that I cant!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      From : ME

Gosh! My Mandarin is regressing!

Today  I was having BC2,and I just rubbished around for my essay(although I spent time reading the article column in the newspaper).I realized my vocabulary and phrases was not advance enough for my stage.As a form 5,I have this feeling that I am writing my essay like a standard 6.Help me!Oh yeah I chose “家有一老，如有一宝”for my section B.Pretty surprise right?

SPM is coming real soon,I still couldn’t really grasp the 10 subjects well.Now I learned that TIME IS PRECIOUS!

Recently lots of things had happened  to me.I’m  physically and mentally exhausted.Can even use the word : “Breakdown”

The AFS’s offer,had really driven me crazy.I was so despair,when dad say “NO”.That instance,I really hate him.My dream!He just throw it away from my hand,it was my dream to study oversea.My heart was really ache,I couldn’t think of anything to comfort myself.I broke down several time that day(Sorry Mum,I couldn’t  hold it in your Big day).In the meanwhile,I let out a bullet to him.We both seriously injured.Sorry!

And one thing my maid is gone again.YES!AGAIN.It’s the second time that similar things is happening to my family.Twice a year.D*mn her!I have to draw out some times to help to do chores.D*mn her the second time.B*tch!I don’t care where are you now.You cause a great loss to my family.Do you know? A fellow who don’t appreciate what god gives her.

Cant wait till SPM ends!

                                                                                      LOVE YA!